Dear Cate: Happy Birthday! You have been a great friend over the past couple of years and I’m happy to see you happy (that’s a lot of happy in one sentence) and can’t wait to do some dancing in your honor. Dear Seasoned Wok (or the girl who thinks she is): You must be pretty insecure to assume that I was speaking about you on the greatest drama media site ever: facebook. That profile status was random. I don’t want to make assumptions about your character, but so far, not so good. Dear Summer Class: I never thought I would say this, but slow down just a tad. We only have six more days together and I don’t think that’s enough time for me to get everything done.
Warning: Very random post. May not be appropriate for minors and parents. And mom, if you do read this, please don’t bring it up.
I must admit, there has been some awkward-random drama in my life, and it seems to be brought on by two things: facebook and the honeymoon phase of new love. Long story short: this gal’s boyfriend has left for a week and apparently her life is going to end within this week because she is so heartbroken without him by her side. Almost makes me want to puke. She is so consumed by this boy that she assumes that an older, more mature gal is getting far too much attention (ahem, me) and has turned psycho (not me, the heartbroken gal). Does that make sense? And by psycho, I mean, reading FAR into my profile updates, which have been reflecting my recent obsession with Glee (*me scrunching up my face- anticipating the slushy being thrown*).
But when I step back and look at it from her point of view, I too would probably be acting a tad psycho if I too were stuck in that honeymoon phase… and were, I don’t know how old she is, eighteen? It’s funny to look back and at myself during that time of my life: the stuff we did as honeymooners and the stuff I shouldn’t have done (probably psycho). Here is my short list of the do’s and not to do’s (but don’t take them too seriously; my relationship of ten years DID just end):
- Have sex. And a lot of it. Even if you have a final the next morning at eight a.m. and you’ve just had your third orgasm at three a.m., do it. He’s not always going to be able to last this long, especially when he gets a “real” job. [If you’re a minor and reading this: shame on you. But be safe!]
- Make-out everywhere. Red lights. Market. In front of your house, even if your parents are in the front window or your neighbors have a clear view. As long as you keep your clothes on, it’s kid- friendly.
- Always hold hands. Apparently I thought you were supposed to grow out of this stage and pushed his hand away. Attention all eighteen year olds: it’s cool to hold hands at twenty-five. What was I thinking?
- Compromise a little. If he really wants to see the new Transformers (what are they up to, 56?) movie, just go. Chances are the following night he’s going to be dragged into the theater to watch Bridesmaids… without fussing and paying for the tab.
- Take a vacation. If you’re broke, camp out in a field. Rent a hotel room. Hike a new peak. Try out a new bowling alley. See some new place together.
- Don’t fall into a routine of watching television on the couch or in bed every time you see each other. Actually, there shouldn’t even be a television in the bedroom to follow DO #1 above. [Again minors, better safe than sorry]
- Surprising him is great, but not on guy’s night. I learned this lesson once; even though you look really cute all-dolled up, he still needs his guy time.
- Stalking other girls on facebook just because they know your boyfriend is psycho. Please take note Wok gal, however, I must admit, we’ve ALL been there.
- As a honeymooner, do not fart in front of your boyfriend. I know, I know. We all poo. And farting is natural. But save it for a later time in your relationship when you both need a good laugh.