Hold the press.
I wrote up an entire post about my crazy-@$$ weekend and then BAM! I check my only source of news (sad, I know) Q103’s website and there I spied something that kind of made my day. Ashton Kutcher cheated on Demi Moore. Okay, okay. It didn’t make my day but I did think, “holy heck! If she is being cheated on, there is absolutely no hope out there.”Alright, that sounds depressing but I swear misery loves company. And I just welcomed the hottest woman alive to my club.
I guess this should be the time where I confess a recent crush on Ashton Kutcher. And Demi Moore. Maybe reasons number four and five why I’m single?
For all of you that do know me just the tiniest bit, I am not into celebrity gossip or their lifestyles. But when I see two hot people together and hear of this monstrosity, it just makes me feel a little better inside. Kind of like that Broadway play Avenue Q where Gary Coleman sings about Schadenfreude: taking pleasure in other people’s pain (FYI best Broadway show ever– these are the tunes that I belt out at three am down second street).
Side note: if I have to hear the people above me have sex one more time I’m gonna seriously throw up. You guess it, they are doing it right. now. Wah.
Reason number four why I’m single: I’ve got a crush on Ashton Kutcher. And this is so not me. And yes I can agree, those Nikon commercials he does are annoying. But I loved him in those two recent chick-flicks Valentine’s Day and No Strings Attached. And I am just dying for my next Netflix film to come: Spread. No I’m not going to watch that new television series he’s in (because I don’t have a television) and yes, I prefer the grunge Ashton over the clean-shaven look. Yes, I have a secret folder on my computer with his photographs in there. Creepy, I know. I could spend hours stalking his social media page… partly because there are photographs of Demi thrown in there…
Reason number five why I’m single: girl crushes. And Demi Moore is one of them. No matter how “straight” a girl is, she has girl crushes. If she says she doesn’t, she’s lying just like when she tells you she doesn’t poop, pick her nose or masturbate. Lies I tell you.
Back to my crush: it all started way back when I used to watch Ghost almost every. single. morning before getting on the bus. Who doesn’t love a powerful woman who can rock a short hair-do? And now that she’s like fifty she looks even more bangin’. You never hear about her in the media (or maybe I’m just not listening), she’s divorced with kids, is fit NOT skinny and married a hot young stud. And is now part of my club.
I think I’ll start taking applications from here on out because it has become far more A-list than I expected.