Dear Laura, Naomi, Vincent, Jessica, Stephanie, Craig, Tony and Nicole (and anyone else that participated): thank you! thank you! thank you! I won that $30 gift card to Fiat Feminae thanks to ya’ll; I cannot wait to go splurge on myself. Dear I Love NY Pizza: I mean, I always knew that you had a purpose in my life and this past weekend it was preventing a major hangover. Dear Ex-Boyfriend: how dare you.
It’s funny how I have this HUGE list of everything I want to write about and the order in which I want to post them and then BAM! Something happens in my personal life that takes priority and I have the urgency to share. So, here it goes.
I can only continue to thank every single person in my life that has remained positive and has stood by my side these past couple of months or so. And I want to thank every single person that has taken the time out of their day to call me, send me an email or a message on the oh-so-popular media site because with you all, this is beginning to become easier with each passing day. And for those of you who continue to ask me how I’m doing, here’s a little update.
I’m perfectly fine without him in my life. Yes, I am very lonely at times. Yes, I miss our little rituals. Yes, I still think about him frequently, but I am no longer counting the days. Sometimes when I do think of him, I’m amazed at how long it had been since my last thought or memory. And only recently am I happy when reminded of our relationship– maybe because the two of us have not been in contact with each other for many weeks now.
I do have a confession though; I have been trying to reach out to him. A very sticky situation presented itself about two weeks ago with Frienemy 641 and I’ve been trying to grab his attention/insight, but to no success. Many people have asked me what I was planning on saying to him, and to be honest, I hadn’t a clue. But then I stopped. And I think he noticed…
Because just like that, after two months of silence between the two of us, he sent a single message that knocked me down. And it wasn’t that it was rude. Or mean. Or even hostile. It was just plain unnecessary. I hadn’t shed a tear for weeks and within moments of seeing the message, I was on the phone with a friend talking myself through what was running through my head. And his messages continued as I ignored them. My number one question that I was asking myself:
- Does he honestly think I’m that stupid? We ended on very bad terms- his personal decision, and I could only respect his wishes and walk away. But does he honestly think that after ignoring me for two months and then reaching out that I’d go running back? Because I can reassure each and every one of you followers that I am not. And will not. And never will.
I’m not saying that I will never forgive him– I have yet to– but I will never be able to be a part of his life as his significant other. I will never put myself into that same situation that betrayed me. I have never felt so sure of something before in my life when referring to a person that I was so sure would never put me into this situation.
Other than the *minor* breakdown last evening, my life has been wonderful. For many reasons…
Friday I participated in another fashion show for Fashionable Chic Traveling Boutique! This night consisted of: white wine, fabulous jewelry from Stella & Dot, no underwears, sneak mascara, long talks, new friends (and a fun fan!) and tons of laughter!
Saturday I spent the majority of the day in class presenting for my capstone course but luckily we are well on our way and December is quickly approaching. The remainder of the evening and well into Sunday consisted of: amazing friends, wine, nerds (favorite Halloween candy), all of RPI alumni crowded into the Ruck, multiple random pitchers of beer, more dancing, visiting the guys at iLove, and a mini- sleepover.
Yeah, it was a fabulous weekend. Oh! And it’s Autumn… my favorite season.
So there’s my update. I’m staying busy. I’m staying positive. I’m staying true to me and loyal to those in my life.