Don’t you? Don’t you?
Here are my Halloweekend 10 Commandments
- Thou shalt not remove one’s shoes no matter how bad their feet feel, blister or bleed. If you made the commitment to wear them, you’re going to rock them. That and who knows what kind of toe-punk is creepin’ around this weekend.
- Thou shalt not expect the bottles of wine (or forties) to drink themselves.
- Thou shalt not quote “Hocus Pocus” because apparently not everyone grew up with a little sist-ah that watched it year round, at least once a day. (Confession: the two of us are road-tripping it to Boston to stalk the locations that were used for filming. Like, next weekend.)
- Thou shalt not believe that he has a private jet waiting outside.
- Thou shalt not talk to strange men in bars that oddly resemble Ashton Kutcher; Demi is probably in the bathroom freshening up.
- Thou shalt not instantly walk in and judge all the
slutsgirls who showed up. You’re just jealous you didn’t work your @$$ off to fit into that sexy cop uniform.
- Thou shalt not be escorted out of a bar because they got caught telling security that they are security.
- Thou shalt not make a handmade card after the first date.
- Thou shalt not pretend to know every word to every song that is played out on the dance floor. Chances are someone around you will be sober enough to hear your mumbled, out of pitch tune.
- Thou shall not forget to put on underwears. Who knows what kind of wardrobe malfunctions can occur while trick-or-treating.