Or misfires.
So I had a pretty eventful twenty four hours that came as a shock to many of my friends, and myself. And all while it was happening, I panicked for one reason and one reason only: I was alone.
I’ve been very content being alone for the past couple of weeks; having the time of my life with close friends. But when put into a situation that could potentially take your life, and you’re alone, your perspective changes. Let me set the scene.
A couple of years ago I was diagnosed with a *minor heart condition called SVT or super ventricular tachycardia; basically there is a disconnect between my heart and brain and my heart beats too quickly, for far too long. I knew something was wrong when I left my friend after the gym, but before I knew it, I was curled up on my bed, naked, bawling my eyes out because I couldn’t breath and I didn’t want to die alone in my apartment. All I could think about was, OMG. I’m going to be that lady that gets eaten up by her hungry cat.
Of course I snapped out of it and dialed the friend that had just left me and within minutes she had me in the emergency room. After multiple IVs, EKGs, and two doses of some magical potion that stopped my heart twice to re-start it correctly, I was stable and back to normal. And it was there in the emergency room that I realized I wasn’t alone. Yes, I’m single (aka strong enough to stand on my own) but not alone. I had one of the bestest friends a gal could ask for right at my feet, rubbing my legs, carrying my backpack, and singing inside songs to me. I swear everything happens for a reason.
If it weren’t for her hectic pre-med schedule, she would have been at work and not by my side. And wouldn’t have convinced me to work out with her and meet her new boyfriend. And I wouldn’t have shaved my legs, which would have been super embarrassing when they had to perform the EKGs. And she just wouldn’t have learned so much and met great contacts so that she doesn’t have to clean beds while volunteering on Monday mornings. You’re welcome.
But in all seriousness, I’m back home. I’m very sore but feeling great. And alone in this apartment and one hundred percent okay with it.
I’ll admit, I don’t need a crisis to push me over the edge, and I don’t want others to expect me to be a ball of sunshine one hundred percent of the time. I am a strong believer in that if you are positive, your life is positive. But let’s be real homies, on occasion you just must vent. You mustn’t wear that fake smile and work so hard to convince others that you’re life is perfect, because it isn’t. Ever.
But I’m not over the edge this evening. I’m thankful for everyone who is currently in my life, including the two who showed me a good time once I returned home. I’m thankful to be returning to work tomorrow because I’m sick of being in bed all day (but it was much needed) and to be back on my daily routine. And lastly, I’m thankful for the huge bag of apples that I picked with the kiddos because they were the perfect snack (all day long).
I’m just a phone call/text/email/facebook message away to all of those who are single and feeling alone– because you aren’t, you’re just single (for now). Muah.
While I was going to post on how this entry did not fit into the general context of your entries, I find myself grateful you are doing well. I am but a reader that expressed interest in this blog via Facebook message. Hopefully if you are ever in Boston you will look me up.
Great to see you’re still reading, Boston. I’ll be in that area soon to see an “old” friend; I’ll definitely keep you in mind!
Jona- please know you can add me to the list anytime you need an ER buddy 🙂 I’m glad you’re feeling better.
thanks Heather, I’ll add you to my speed dial. ❤
glad you’re feeling better Jona… loveyou!<3
thank you Lindsay! muah.
I’m glad you have those people in your life and I am SO glad you are in theirs.
Love you,
kep